Imperfections

I have this thing about keeping absolutely everything. I will probably soon be put onto the show Hoarders. However, all my stuff is relatively neat and tidy, so I think it may be a few years yet until the camera crew get here. This includes my whole inbox and sent box on my three email addresses. Whilst procrastinating yesterday, I thought it would be interesting to see if I’d sent any emails on this day last year. Sure enough, I had sent an email to a friend on the 4^th of July 2011.

I’m not going to go into details about the email, that’s too embarrassing, but I will say this: The email talked about the fact that I would be starting exams soon (same position I’m in now) and that I was studying hard for them (again, I’m currently in the same boat) However the email then went on and talked about how I wanted to be perfect and get all A’s on my exams and that if I didn’t, I quote, “…then I will fail anyway, I will never be good enough.”

Now a lot has changed in this past year for me, and I myself have changed and grown as a person. But here is something that I had hadn’t really realised.  The perfectionism I fought all of last year, which drove me to destructive and self-sabotaging behaviour is now slowly seeping its way out of my body and mind. Sure I still want to strive to do well, but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t. Last year I made unrealistic goals for myself and got unnecessarily upset when I didn’t achieve them. I realise now that I am nothing like that anymore, and because of it, I am a much happier and less anxious person.

So, here’s for not striving for the impossible and for not being perfect. I’m happier because of it :)

A very rough overview of my travels.

So I’ve returned home and am back into ‘real life mode’. I’ve just spent the most amazing four and a half weeks in Tokyo, Paris, Hamburg, Venice, Tuscany, London and Singapore. I have things that I want to say about each place stored away in my head, but those posts will be written once I’ve actually gotten those thoughts together and have the time and patience to do so.

Summing up my trip in general, I would say it was huge, a lot of effort but very worthwhile. We hadn’t done a trip like that before, with two stopovers in Asia in between Europe. Despite the effort it took to do so, stopping over actually ended up being great, and we got to go to even MORE countries! I’m a very lucky girl as it was my fourth time overseas.

I’ve always been one for experiences, and luckily this trip included all sorts of different ones. Some excellent, some not so great, but all of which taught me things. I went from dining in a Michelin star restaurant, to walking along streets filled with beggars, and all things in between. Most of the beggars had disabilities, some looking as though they were an inch away from death. It upset me to see it, but even more so, it upset me that I got used to it. However experiencing it, and now thinking and writing about it, has motivated me to do as much as I can to help people. I’m an adult now (another blog post to come) and I can now choose what I want to do in life. I can literally do anything. I haven’t quite come to grips with it yet, but I’m sure that once I do, I will thrive. Because helping others makes me happy. Helping others helps myself and although I can’t help those beggars I saw, I do have the ability to help people in my community.

I am slowly planning my trip away for next year. Once my head is properly screwed on, I will start to really make a start. Currently I’m looking at going to some of the poorer parts of Fiji, but Cambodia and South Africa are also on my mind. I have so many options, and I’m so excited that I’m going to be doing this!

I have a lot more writing to do, but it is actually 4am right now, I’m wide awake and this probably isn’t my best writing in the world. In a few days when I have fallen back into sync with time and have gotten used to school, I will start properly blogging again.

The Big Question - What to do Next?

At the end of this year I will have finished school. I will be entering a new stage of my life, which is pretty scary! However I feel like this is a good scary. Soon I will need to decide on what to do next year. Obviously, making the decision of what career path I will take is a bit beyond me right now, but I have a few ideas. Right now I’m tossing up on what I’m going to do next year, and I’m glad to say that I have a few possibilities.

1.       Take a gap year and do volunteer care work in another country. Right now I’m looking at Fiji, but really, I’m open to anywhere in which I can make a difference. I would love to volunteer and work with young children, particularly in child care or kindergarten.  I’m looking at doing a three month volunteer program from June to September next year – I just to miss out on Winter! No really, I think this would be a challenging yet amazing experience for me; I just need to find the courage to do it.

2.       Take a gap year and become an Au Pair. This has been something that has always appealed to me as I love babysitting and looking after children. Like volunteering, it would be an incredibly challenging thing to do, and rewarding in different ways.

3.       Go straight to UTAS. This isn’t a bad thing, but it is probably the safest option for me. For years I’ve been living my life safe, and not taking chances due to fear of failure. However if I went to UTAS, I would be secure for a few more years, which may benefit my life.

4.       Move away from Tasmania and go to uni. This one is the biggest one of them all, as it is the only one that includes moving out of the state. It’s something that I eventually want to do anyway, but am not sure about at my age and stage of life. Should I get it over and done with and move, or should I wait a few more years until I have more money and experience?

That’s basically it. Take a gap year and travel – but do something meaningful with that travel, or go on straight to uni and continue my studies. Right now I’m looking at the gap year option, not because I want a break from studying, more because I NEED a break from studying. I need an opportunity to challenge myself at a young age, and taking a gap year could very well give me that opportunity.

But right now these are just options and I don’t have to start thinking seriously about anything for many months to come. More options may come, and other options may start to look less appealing. I will decide on something, eventually :)

The reasons why I haven’t blogged in a long time are not really clear to me, but I’m happy to be blogging once more :)

Self Image

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a very long time now. It's been formulating in my head for weeks - images, texts, quotes that I will use. I'll suddenly think of something that I can use for this post and store it away in my memory. I'm starting this at 1.12am as I have sat down in bed feeling as though it is the right time to write this. I'm going to keep going with it until I'm finished and satisfied. I can't remember all of what I was going to say, what images I was going to use, what points I planned to make, but this post will now be made up of what is in my mind right now. This is probably the most important post for me to write as it is so dear to my heart. Even more precious than my small self analysis done earlier this year.

Ok Nikki, you know the drill, just start writing about what's been on your mind...

Here we go.

First off, an image for you all:

Now we all know who this is, I don't even have to tell you her name. Barbie has been involved in the lives on young girls for over 50 years now. Just look at her. Blonde hair, blue eyes, white teeth, skinny. Girls who own a Barbie doll look at her and see this as "perfection". These girls have probably been given a Barbie by their mum, dad or older sister. This could potentially leave them feeling as though whoever gave it to them wants them to look a certain way. This way. Obviously this isn't going to be the case for every young girl in the world, but for a small percentage, which is a high number of girls, they will idolise these dolls and want to look just like them.

Of course, over the years Barbie has developed and now comes in several other forms, which I have had just researched. These include Fairy Barbie, Business Woman Barbie, Rock Chick Barbie and Barbie in a Ball Gown. Whatever her form, Barbie in constantly sending a message of a set image that we are supposed to look. Of course, as we grow older, we learn that this image certainly isn't perfection or what we have to aim to look like in life. But young children don't know this, and although go through these years unphased by her presence, a small portion of girls are seriously affected by it.

But I can't blame Barbie for all the eating disorders and poor self image in the world. I have recently read an article published by Huffington Post outlining that a quarter of children living in Britain aged 11-16 would have cosmetic surgery to boost their self image. Now I've passed that age bracket, but I can safely say I never wanted and certainly never considered altering the way I look through surgery. I've always had in my mind that surgery is to make your body healthier, not to boost your self image. I find these results shocking and really sad to read. The fact that girls and boys as young as 11 are so unhappy with the way they look, they would go to the lengths of getting surgery to "perfect their imperfections", is horrifying to read. I know it's hard for everybody to accept how they look, trust me, it's a battle I'm constantly fighting. But I'm on the verge of adulthood and I don't dislike the way I look - so much so that I would do something drastic to change it. I see my parents as both beautiful people, and my looks come from them, which I am very grateful for.

I have been interested in eating disorders for a very long time now. I know they can occur for a number of reasons, but whatever those reasons, studies have shown alarming number girls forming eating disorders at younger and younger ages. The amount of girls with eating disorders has also doubled in the last few years, adding even more concern to this growing problem. I have recently watched a documentary where a girl, at age 8 formed anorexia. She had never heard of it, and being 8, therapists could not get a clear idea of where it came from for her. But the fact that this happened and her weight was so low that she was close to death, scares me. We need to be able to understand these disorders more in order to both prevent those from forming them and help those already suffering. Of course, trying to prevent eating disorders itself is a risk as it puts the illness in people's minds, they will start to think about it, and some will take posters and images of anorexic girls the wrong way. Instead of shying away and cringing at the sight of bones, they will want to be as skinny, or even skinnier than them.

This is the non-triggering face of anorexia:

I believe campaigning for positive self image in both girls and boys needs to be done on a worldwide scale. As well as sex education, primary school children need to be taught about self image, accepting their looks and about healthy eating and exercise. I certainly don't think this is emphasised enough where I grow up.

I could now talk about the many different causes for girls and boys suffering from eating disorders and poor self image, but that will take too long and turn into a novel (which I will probably one day write). Instead I'm going to touch on a few areas in which I think can be leading causes to these things.

School

School is tough on everybody. Nobody goes through the 14 years of it without some sort of hiccup. Some have to suffer through school harder than others. This could be due to bullying, pressure, academic ability, etc. Whatever the reason, schools need to form a support network for those needing help. School needs to be a place where people feel accepted, not looked down on. There are obvious advantages and disadvantages to all girl/all boy schools, but I think one of the huge disadvantages in all girl schools is the pressure put on girls, especially during the middle school years, to look and act a certain way in order to "be cool" or simply just fit in.

Media

Oh goodness do I cringe when I see the front pages of magazines. Although they all have a different "catchy" name, they are all the same. Ms Paris Hilton is a fine example of someone who is constantly in the media who young girls in particular look up and aspire to. She's like a modern day bloody Barbie! I wonder how many she was given when she was younger...

All magazines have a different celebrity on the front, usually revealing something like their secret for weight loss and admitting they have done or are currently suffering from an eating disorder. Usually it's "How I Recovered From Anorexia," or something along those lines. When really, they've spent the last 5 years looking deathly thin, claiming that they didn't have an eating disorder. Thus making teenage girls think that they can look like that without forming an eating disorder. We think that if we could look, dress and act like those we admire, we could somehow gain what they have. This whole 'celebrity' concept and a whole lot of journalism is so unjust and creates unrealistic images and stories for the world to see.

Family

This one is a bit iffy, because it really depends on the situation and how much control you have over it. But I know that girls usually idolise their mums and sometimes older sisters, and if they see either of these people dieting, then what message is that going to send to a 10 year old? It's going to say that if you don't like the way you look, you should constantly diet and exercise. Of course we need healthy food and exercise in our lives to a high degree, but when it becomes your life, then you are not only doing bad for you, but you are sending unjust messages to those who look up to you. Other things such as divorce, sibling rivalry and family pressure can also be factors in low self image.

I think I've rambled on enough but I've gotten out everything I wanted to say. Mainly that so many things are causing poor self image and eating disorders in children, things that we don't even realise. These things need to be recognised and children need to be taught that this isn't "perfection". We are who we are, and the huge majority of the population are absolutely fine looking. I understand it is hard for people to accept how they look, especially children going through puberty, so they need to be given encouragement and support. I would love to see a huge positive self image campaign aimed at children aged 8 - 18, and if I don't see one soon, then I'm going to start one myself.