Just Breathe

I’m sitting in the library today, with no intention of doing any of the ever-growing homework waiting for me in my locker. Instead, I’m breathing. Literally, all I was doing before I started writing this was sit in this very comfortable library chair, and breathe. There were some thoughts going around, but I wasn’t paying much attention to them.

This year I started year 11 with a very positive view towards my education. Being at a private school, I constantly feel the expectations of my parents, teachers and myself to do well. The pressure I have been putting on myself all year has been enormous, and at times, impractical. I would write obsessive lists and follow them compulsively until they were complete. I put my schoolwork ahead of both my health and social life.

I saw good results, which motivated me to keep aiming high and achieve good results. It got to the point though, that anywhere below a straight A wasn’t good enough for me. Getting an A- would upset me and I would be left feeling humiliated and angry with myself. Humiliated at myself? Yes, I embarrassed myself. I felt like a fool for trying so hard and getting below an A.

In July I had midterm exams, which I survived, it was however afterwards when we got our results back, when I did not. I was not in the slightest happy with the majority of my results. I went home early and cried myself to sleep. After that, I didn’t do schoolwork or study for two weeks. I would literally just sit in class silently, hoping a teacher wouldn’t call on me to answer a question. Anger welling up inside me, feelings of dumbness and worthlessness cascading my body.

With the help and guidance of my peers, I slowly began to pick myself up and start working again. I’ve ripped up all my obsessive lists, starting being more social and have relaxed a bit about my schoolwork. I admit, I do still spend a lot of time on assignments making sure that everything is correct, but all my schoolwork doesn’t overwhelm me anymore.

I have learnt through experiencing this year how much pressure I, like many others put on themselves to be the best. I don’t believe that becoming ‘perfect’ is a realistic goal, and yet it was something I continually strived towards, and would get upset over when I couldn’t achieve it. I have benefited though from making these lists, as I am now a more organized person who manages her time well. This is why I’m sitting on this chair, breathing, I’m giving my brain a break. I think everyone; especially busy people like me need some ‘me’ time in their lives. Getting a B isn’t the end of the world!

"Filler" Post

So I hate having my blog page left with no recent posts. I like to post twice a week, it looks good and fresh. Not too much to overwhelm but not too little to bore. I think two posts a week is a good number for me. But I haven't posted anything in a week, not because I've been bored or lazy, no, this time it's actually because I've taken the time to sit down and write and edit something to post on here! :) I'm currently doing the write up on my cousin Tom, but it's taking a while because I want to get it just right. So I'm writing this quick post, really just so there is something new on here...

My topic today is in regard to the library. Ever since I was little I have been coming to the State Library. Actually, it's where I am now. But I realised today that I've never fully appreciated the library for what it is and how much it can do for people. I've never looked at the parts of the library that I haven't been interested in - only the parts that have been relevant to me - young adult/mystery and checkout sections. But today I looked around the whole library - the kids section, the magazine sections, the cds and dvds and the computer section, which to be honest, I thought you had to pay for to use! Gee the amount of times I've been in town wanting the internet for a quick second, and I've got it right here in the library!

Anyway, the library is a fantastic place for me to come and relax, get some study done and get away from everything every once and a while. It's freaking awesome!