Today I realised how much has changed about me in the last month - apart from being a year older. I used to think that all this self-talk stuff was a load of crap, that thinking positive thoughts wouldn’t make me more positive. But I tried it, and then persisted at it, and finally, I am seeing results.
You see, my brain (like yours) is currently active with a continuous flow of thoughts. Some positive, and some not. I realised that obviously when I’m not positive about something, i.e.” I think I’m going to do badly in my maths test” I’m already setting myself up for disaster and going into the test with a negative view. But if I went into that test thinking “I’ve done all the study I can, I’m just going to try my best.” Well then, that’s a completely different mind-set, a more positive and relaxed one. And hey, even if I failed, it’s not the end of the world.
I’ve learnt to put things into perspective. I’ve taken a step back from my little world to look at the whole picture in a positive manor. I don’t feel small and insignificant as I used to, I feel like I have so many opportunities to do amazing things in my life, and that the stage of life that I’m in now, is just a step towards my next stage. Failing a maths test at school isn’t going to kill me. I’ll learn from the mistakes I made and then try to do better. It doesn't mean I'm not going to study and try hard for my test, but I'm not going to let it get me down if I don't do as well as I would have liked to.
I’ve talked previously about the obsessive lists that I write for myself everyday. Well, I’ve been trying to make those lists less controlled and ordered, and it has actually worked and made me more motivated and energised. When I wrote lists with 30 different things to do in a day, I would rarely get them done before 10pm. If I didn’t get them done by 10pm, then I felt like I failed and that my whole day had been a waste. I would then add the things that didn’t get done to the next day’s list, which would then grow longer. Sometimes I would just look at my list and not even start; I would just give up completely. I now give myself a less organised list and am not so hard on myself, I now feel accomplished when I finish the list :)
So, in the last month I have:
- Persisted at my self-talk, and have seen results
- Put my life into perspective
- Stopped obsessing so much over lists
- Created a good study plan, with a balance of study, relax time and social time
- Set myself a regular morning and night routine, so I’m not rushed in the morning (I sleep better too!)
I have to say, it’s been a very successful month, I’ll just be so glad when these exams are over!
So, I was one of the 60,000 people affected by the volcano ash chaos. Basically, yesterday my family and I went to the airport at 5am only to be told our flight was cancelled and we wouldn’t be able to get to Hamilton Island until Friday. And of course, knowing our luck, it was the ONLY day Virgin decided not to fly.
The way everything was handled was pretty shit. I think things could have been run a lot smoother. My holiday to Hamilton Island is now postponed until October. We are hopefully going to Melbourne on Saturday, but knowing our luck, that one will probably get cancelled as well!
I guess I realised that some things just can’t be controlled. I had absolutely no power over what happened yesterday. Instead of staying angry at everybody, after a good sleep I just moved on and accepted it, and then made the most of the situation.
There are lots of things I won’t be able to control in my life. But if I want to make my life worthwhile, I have to make the most of what I am able to control. I have to get rid of my anxiety and go do whatever the hell I feel like! Not make ridiculous, OCD-like lists that I compulsively slave over and stick to. I should just go with the flow and see what happens :) Go have some fun!
Good or bad, an experience is an experience, and I think whatever I go through in life, it will help me develop as a person.
“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch you habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
I used to get upset by the fact that I lead such a privileged life, when millions of others don't. I felt horrible when seeing all those ads on tv with those starving children, ads that would be shown whilst eating dinner. I used to hate myself, for feeling so much guilt. I didn't think it was fair, and I didn't think I deserved. Now those ads just motivate me.
Now I look at things in a different manor. I was told a couple of months ago that there is no point being upset at myself because of other people's misfortunes, because being upset isn't going to help anybody. Instead, I should make the most of living the life I do and try and help people. When I was told this, everything just clicked. I realised how foolish and self-centred I'd been about the whole thing. I also realised that the privileged tend to be the ones who make a difference in the world, for the better.
I saw a segment on television yesterday on celebrities who do charity work. I wondered why all celebrities don't do charity work, being rich and influencial, they could make a change. But I later realised that some people are selfish and take what they have for granted. I also don't know whether they do or not. Just because their donating or charity work isn't featured in the news, doesn't mean they don't do it.
Anyway, I want to make a positive difference during my time here. It doesn't have to be huge, just something that will satisfy me, and hopefully make me feel like I've accomplished something. I have a few little projects I'm working on right now to do so, which I'm sure I'll blog about in the future :)
Also, I've started a gratitude diary - stole the idea off Oprah! Pretty much I write at the end of each diary post what I'm grateful for that day. Today I'm grateful for my brother Jeremy. Although he annoys me to tears sometimes, he makes me laugh in a way that no one else can.
