Imperfections

I have this thing about keeping absolutely everything. I will probably soon be put onto the show Hoarders. However, all my stuff is relatively neat and tidy, so I think it may be a few years yet until the camera crew get here. This includes my whole inbox and sent box on my three email addresses. Whilst procrastinating yesterday, I thought it would be interesting to see if I’d sent any emails on this day last year. Sure enough, I had sent an email to a friend on the 4^th of July 2011.

I’m not going to go into details about the email, that’s too embarrassing, but I will say this: The email talked about the fact that I would be starting exams soon (same position I’m in now) and that I was studying hard for them (again, I’m currently in the same boat) However the email then went on and talked about how I wanted to be perfect and get all A’s on my exams and that if I didn’t, I quote, “…then I will fail anyway, I will never be good enough.”

Now a lot has changed in this past year for me, and I myself have changed and grown as a person. But here is something that I had hadn’t really realised.  The perfectionism I fought all of last year, which drove me to destructive and self-sabotaging behaviour is now slowly seeping its way out of my body and mind. Sure I still want to strive to do well, but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t. Last year I made unrealistic goals for myself and got unnecessarily upset when I didn’t achieve them. I realise now that I am nothing like that anymore, and because of it, I am a much happier and less anxious person.

So, here’s for not striving for the impossible and for not being perfect. I’m happier because of it :)

A very rough overview of my travels.

So I’ve returned home and am back into ‘real life mode’. I’ve just spent the most amazing four and a half weeks in Tokyo, Paris, Hamburg, Venice, Tuscany, London and Singapore. I have things that I want to say about each place stored away in my head, but those posts will be written once I’ve actually gotten those thoughts together and have the time and patience to do so.

Summing up my trip in general, I would say it was huge, a lot of effort but very worthwhile. We hadn’t done a trip like that before, with two stopovers in Asia in between Europe. Despite the effort it took to do so, stopping over actually ended up being great, and we got to go to even MORE countries! I’m a very lucky girl as it was my fourth time overseas.

I’ve always been one for experiences, and luckily this trip included all sorts of different ones. Some excellent, some not so great, but all of which taught me things. I went from dining in a Michelin star restaurant, to walking along streets filled with beggars, and all things in between. Most of the beggars had disabilities, some looking as though they were an inch away from death. It upset me to see it, but even more so, it upset me that I got used to it. However experiencing it, and now thinking and writing about it, has motivated me to do as much as I can to help people. I’m an adult now (another blog post to come) and I can now choose what I want to do in life. I can literally do anything. I haven’t quite come to grips with it yet, but I’m sure that once I do, I will thrive. Because helping others makes me happy. Helping others helps myself and although I can’t help those beggars I saw, I do have the ability to help people in my community.

I am slowly planning my trip away for next year. Once my head is properly screwed on, I will start to really make a start. Currently I’m looking at going to some of the poorer parts of Fiji, but Cambodia and South Africa are also on my mind. I have so many options, and I’m so excited that I’m going to be doing this!

I have a lot more writing to do, but it is actually 4am right now, I’m wide awake and this probably isn’t my best writing in the world. In a few days when I have fallen back into sync with time and have gotten used to school, I will start properly blogging again.

The Big Question - What to do Next?

At the end of this year I will have finished school. I will be entering a new stage of my life, which is pretty scary! However I feel like this is a good scary. Soon I will need to decide on what to do next year. Obviously, making the decision of what career path I will take is a bit beyond me right now, but I have a few ideas. Right now I’m tossing up on what I’m going to do next year, and I’m glad to say that I have a few possibilities.

1.       Take a gap year and do volunteer care work in another country. Right now I’m looking at Fiji, but really, I’m open to anywhere in which I can make a difference. I would love to volunteer and work with young children, particularly in child care or kindergarten.  I’m looking at doing a three month volunteer program from June to September next year – I just to miss out on Winter! No really, I think this would be a challenging yet amazing experience for me; I just need to find the courage to do it.

2.       Take a gap year and become an Au Pair. This has been something that has always appealed to me as I love babysitting and looking after children. Like volunteering, it would be an incredibly challenging thing to do, and rewarding in different ways.

3.       Go straight to UTAS. This isn’t a bad thing, but it is probably the safest option for me. For years I’ve been living my life safe, and not taking chances due to fear of failure. However if I went to UTAS, I would be secure for a few more years, which may benefit my life.

4.       Move away from Tasmania and go to uni. This one is the biggest one of them all, as it is the only one that includes moving out of the state. It’s something that I eventually want to do anyway, but am not sure about at my age and stage of life. Should I get it over and done with and move, or should I wait a few more years until I have more money and experience?

That’s basically it. Take a gap year and travel – but do something meaningful with that travel, or go on straight to uni and continue my studies. Right now I’m looking at the gap year option, not because I want a break from studying, more because I NEED a break from studying. I need an opportunity to challenge myself at a young age, and taking a gap year could very well give me that opportunity.

But right now these are just options and I don’t have to start thinking seriously about anything for many months to come. More options may come, and other options may start to look less appealing. I will decide on something, eventually :)

The reasons why I haven’t blogged in a long time are not really clear to me, but I’m happy to be blogging once more :)