Imperfections

I have this thing about keeping absolutely everything. I will probably soon be put onto the show Hoarders. However, all my stuff is relatively neat and tidy, so I think it may be a few years yet until the camera crew get here. This includes my whole inbox and sent box on my three email addresses. Whilst procrastinating yesterday, I thought it would be interesting to see if I’d sent any emails on this day last year. Sure enough, I had sent an email to a friend on the 4^th of July 2011.

I’m not going to go into details about the email, that’s too embarrassing, but I will say this: The email talked about the fact that I would be starting exams soon (same position I’m in now) and that I was studying hard for them (again, I’m currently in the same boat) However the email then went on and talked about how I wanted to be perfect and get all A’s on my exams and that if I didn’t, I quote, “…then I will fail anyway, I will never be good enough.”

Now a lot has changed in this past year for me, and I myself have changed and grown as a person. But here is something that I had hadn’t really realised.  The perfectionism I fought all of last year, which drove me to destructive and self-sabotaging behaviour is now slowly seeping its way out of my body and mind. Sure I still want to strive to do well, but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t. Last year I made unrealistic goals for myself and got unnecessarily upset when I didn’t achieve them. I realise now that I am nothing like that anymore, and because of it, I am a much happier and less anxious person.

So, here’s for not striving for the impossible and for not being perfect. I’m happier because of it :)