Changing my ways

It’s so much easier to write about things I want to change in my life than actually doing them. I can do all the self analysing in the world, get all the advice possible, but when it comes down to it, if I don’t take action, then nothing positive will ever change. I’m in charge of my life and I have to start taking responsibility for it. I know it’s hard, I tell myself every bloody day that it’s hard. Some days I even go as far as saying that it’s too hard. Some days I don’t feel like trying anymore, because I feel as though nothing ever changes. You know what? Things have changed. I don’t feel as though they have, but looking back at the year so far, there have been changes.

• I study a lot
• I survived exams – and actually went alright in them
• I now clean the house and my room
• I am learning how to drive
• I am able to think deeper than I ever have before
• I’ve actually been trying this year to make myself a better and happier person.

There’s still a lot I need and want to work on, but there always will be. I think that’s why sometimes I’m not motivated. I like doing things that can be finished. I cannot finish making my life better because that would be perfection and I perfect life simply doesn’t exist. I will always find flaws and faults – but I’m not alone. Everyone wants at least one aspect of their lives to be changed.

I tend to envy the people who have a problem, work through it, find a solution and put that solution into place. It seems so simple and easy. I’m not that type of person. My thought process is long and tedious – and I take forever to make decisions. I don’t like trying different things and seeing which one will work. I like to search for as long as necessary and try and find the perfect solution.

I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but it’s how I work. It’s how I try to solve problems. I know right now that I need to keep thinking about problems and solutions and acknowledge them as I have done in the past, but I now also need to move on to the final step of actually doing something about it. It doesn’t have to be big. In my case, I think trying to take smaller steps would actually be beneficial. It’s going to be one, hopefully very long journey – but I’ll get there.